So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
