Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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