my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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