right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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