The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
