gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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