the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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