Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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