uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
