Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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