i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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