my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Buhtt sex?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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