did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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