you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
