i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
