So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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