Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
