drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
