After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
