Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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