Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
