Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
