i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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