his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
