Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
