She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
