I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
