im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
