I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
