When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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