Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
