I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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