I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
