dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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