He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
