She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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