I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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