dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
