In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
are you so shy because you have an std?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
