dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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