Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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