so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
