I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your cock deserves a montage
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
