Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
