"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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