things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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