Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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