At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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