get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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