I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
