I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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