i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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