My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I enjoy the company of your penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
