Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
