she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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