It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
