i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
