wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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