The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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