plz talk dirty to me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
