nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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