You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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