Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
