Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
